FIFF! Falling Into Fan Fiction
by PippinStrange
Summary: Based on a hilarious dream my friend had. Holly Brandybuck and I, Pippin Baggins, go swimming one day and end up surfacing in the Caribbean. Join the insanity as we get into trouble during the last ten minutes of Curse of the Black Pearl. one-shot. R&R.


**FIFF!**

**I, Pippin, and my best friend Holly, fall into POTC. Mayhem ensues. Based on a dream that Holly had R&R! **

**FIFF! By Pippin Baggins**

It was a muggy, soggy morning in early August when I met my best friend Holly to go swimming. My sister was working at the local ice cream shop, Tasha was working at Fred Meyers, and Bo was somewhere ranching in the mountains with mosquitoes. The five of us were the inseparable Sisterhood of the traveling bracelet, but sometimes life got in the way and we had to have a smaller party.

I drove to Holly's house, nearly killing a skunk on the way and freaking out my poor mother in the passenger seat. We pulled into the driveway unscathed, and as I waved goodbye to her, Holly came running out of the house as if the devil was on her heels.

"PIE!" she screeched, giving me an exuberant hug. We went upstairs, chatted about a range of things—from palm trees to bead stores—and then ate cookies. Holly was an athletic tall, slim girl with blond hair, blue eyes, and a tan to boot. She'd never had a boyfriend and didn't know what a Mary Sue was. I think you all know me but I'll give a brief description. I was a sarcastic, pale-faced brunette hobbit who could be described as boy-crazy. I also happened to know what a Mary Sue was.

After discussing all kinds of important matters, Holly and I then ran outdoors to her wide pool.

Holly's pool was a large round thing with water in it as blue as the Caribbean. On the left was a large deck with a yellow slide going into the pool, a few lounge chairs, and random bottles of sun lotion lying around. Holly dived in and I inched my way in, getting used to its coldness.

"Tea Party!" Holly screeched, and we both popped under. Tea party was a tradition of ours: we went under water, blew bubbles and pretended to sip out of teacups. The water suddenly grew quite dark beneath us, and Holly sank lower than I thought the floor of the pool extended to. I also noticed an extreme change in temperature—from lukewarm to freezing. I figured a cloud had gone over the sun.

When I began to lose breath, I thrust my head out and gaped at what I saw. Instead of the edge of the pool, the backyard, and the yellow farmhouse, I saw dark water stretching to the horizon. Everything was a dark blue and foggy gray. Holly popped up beside me, and we both had to tread water. The bottom of the pool was gone.

"What the heck is this?" Holly screeched.

"FIFF!" I hollered back.

"What?!" Holly yelled.

"FIFF!" I repeated. "FALLING INTO FAN FICTION!"

"Fan fiction?" Holly cried indignantly. "But that's something nerds write!"

"I write fan fiction!"

"I know!"

"Calling me a nerd??"

"YES!"

"Well, you'd best start believing in fan stories, Miss Holly—you're in one!"

"I am not!"

"Yes we are!"

"No, we're not!"

"HOLLY!"

"PIE-FACE!"

"WALKING MOUNTAIN!"

"JUMPING SHRIMP!"

"MARY SUE!"

"Mary Sue?" Holly shrieked.

"OH MY GOSH!" I yelled. "I'd better explain things before you become one! You're the perfect type too! You're naïve and make every boy fall in love with you without even trying."

"What's THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" Holly was mad at me now. She slapped me in the arm. "I am not naïve!"

"I didn't mean it like that," I reconsidered.

"You're SO MEAN!" Holly was quite irritated. "I can't believe you said that!"

"Holly!" I whined. "Stop it!"

"I know what a Mary Sue is!" Holly slapped the water in irritation.

"A gorgeous girl who FIFF's and falls for hot guys! Like Legolas, Will Turner, Luke Skywalker, Jack Sparrow, The Phantom, Peter Pevensie, Eragon, Han Solo…"

"I know, I said I DO KNOW what a Mary Sue is!"

"Oh, I thought you said 'I didn't'…and all that is missing is the red hair," I giggled and accidently got a mouth full of water.

"LOOK! An island! Maybe it's Loose Women island!" Holly pointed.

I glanced at her. "I doubt it." I began swimming towards it.

"Don't LEAVE ME!" Holly wailed.

"Hold on to my shorts so we won't be separated," I suggested. Good thing I decided to pass up swim-wear fashion for comfort—I was wearing denim shorts. Holly hooked her finger through my belt loop and we began swimming for the island.

"Just to let you know," I said over the roar of the ocean, "Call me Pippin from now on."

"Why?"

"Because it's a FIFF. I'll put this on the internet if we ever get back home. We don't do real names on the internet—except maybe for yours."

"What makes me so special?"

"You don't have an account on . You're fine. Just because we say your name is Holly doesn't mean you'll get stalkers."

"And you would?" she asked indignantly.

I lapsed into an Obi-Wan voice. "Possibly."

Some time later, caught by the tide and fairly whisked into a cave in the island's rocky face, we found ourselves plunging through a quick current into a dark tunnel. We were afraid for our lives, obviously, but we didn't have long to fear because the water threw us into shallows. Our knees banged the sand and rocks in the bottom, and soon, we struggled towards gravelly beach. There was flickering yellow light on the walls from torches around a bend in the tunnel.

"Let's follow the tunnel and see where the light is coming from," whispered Holly, looking at the prospective shore.

"But preferably walking, not swimming," I added. We began crawling up onto the shore, cold and wet, and stopped at a pair of boots before us.

"Um," said Holly.

"Uh," I agreed.

We gazed at the boots, followed them up to a pair of tanned knees, black breeches, a scabbard, belt, and sword, a well-worn vest, and white fencing shirt. Coming out of the shirt was neck with a compass hanging from it, a brown face, dreadlocks, a double-braided goatee, and a red scarf tied about the head.

"Jack Sparrow?" Holly and I said at the same time.

"That's me name. And who might you be? Or, most importantly, how'd you find me cave?"

"We fell overboard from the USS…" I fabricated.

"Titanic," Holly added smugly.

I giggled.

"Alright, on yer feet," Jack Sparrow pulled out his sword and wiggled the blade in our direction. "On second thought," he put his sword in his sheath. "I am not to be bothered by you. Bye bye." He whirled on heel and left us, mumbling in a high-pitched imitation of a female voice, "Why, yes Mr. Sparrow, I just stumbled onto your secret island by pure accident. So sorry, aye, I am so very sorry…"

Without anything else to do, Holly and I followed him, squeezing water from our hair. We stumbled out into a large, blue-lighted cavern simply stuffed with gold treasure and little pools all about. At the top of the tallest treasure pile was a huge chest, no doubt, filled to the brim with Aztec coins.

Jack Sparrow turned and marched back towards us, getting a close two inches away from Holly's nose. "Why are you still following me? Go on now." He turned to me and made a brushing away gesture. "Go on. Shoo."

"Where do we go?" Holly asked.

"Might I suggest," Jack Sparrow replied, "You swim like the good little fish you are, back the direction you be from firstly, therefore out of my way—vicinity—my personal space, if you will, and we don't tell any other little fishes of the unwarranted trip into this non-existent cave. Savvy?"

"What I think he means to say is," I explained, "Leave and tell no one."

Jack opened his mouth to protest, curled his lip in annoyance, and added with an air, "Precisely."

"First of all," I said sarcastically, "There is no way in heaven or earth we can leave this island without commandeering your OWN vessel, secondly, neither of us intend to listen to you because you have nor never will have authority over our actions, and thirdly—what IS our third reason, Holly dear?"

"We plan to tell everybody we know about your treasure!" Holly concluded.

Jack chuckled, gritting his teeth and looking annoyed. "I can be very persuasive if I so choose to be."

"Persuade me," I said flirtatiously, hoping for a kiss or something. No such luck. Jack Sparrow pulled his sword out again.

"Go on, shoo, children," he said, inclining his head towards another tunnel entrance.

"Jack!" said a voice, whom I immediately suspected would be Will Turner coming out of that tunnel.

"What are you doing with the whelp?" I teased poor Jack.

"Agh," Jack said disgustedly.

Will came out, looking unashamedly shmexy. I clapped a hand over my mouth to keep from squealing and buried my face in Holly's shoulder. "Save me!" I hissed. "He's too hot to feast my eyes upon."

"What is this?" asked Will. I popped up and tried to look dignified.

"We're castaways!" I erupted.

"Invaders!" Jack hollered at the same time.

"Mermaids!" Holly whispered in my ear, and we both burst into a series of giggles.

"He's trying to be exasperating!" Holly pointed an accusing finger at Jack. "We washed ashore and he's got his sword pointed in our direction for it!"

"Jack," said Will rather patiently, "Be a sport, now. Young ladies…"

"Holly Brandybuck," Holly said smoothly, reaching out to shake his hand. He kissed it instead, and the look on Holly's face turned from politeness to utter speechlessness. I was very proud of her for remembering her internet-protection-fan-fiction-name.

"Pippin Baggins," I said sheepishly, wishing I had a more elegant name. I could have always thrown a monkey wrench in and pulled an Elizabeth by telling him my last name was Turner. Now that could have been funny! Will kissed my hand likewise, and I felt like someone poured ice down my back. (Shivers of adrenaline, people.)

"My name is William Turner," Will told us.

"Evenin', Mr. Turner," I said in my Barbossa voice. Crap, I always do that…

Will's eyes widened, but he shook it off and turned to the captain. "We're going as far as Port Royal, and I think we have enough stores for two young ladies," Will scolded Jack. "They can always have your share."

"All but the rum," Jack suggested, sticking his chin out rebelliously.

"Come, Mr. Sparrow!" said a voice from the cave entrance. "The noose awaits you."

Jack rolled his eyes and went tromping away crookedly,

"Darn, we've come after the whole adventure is over, they're gonna take Jack to hang him, and Elizabeth just accepted Norrington's proposal, and poor Will's heart is broke…" I whispered to Holly.

Will looked at me, his eyes narrowing.

"I know," Holly whispered back. "We've missed all the fun."

"Yeah, good idea Holly, so you can see what half-burned vicious pirates look like." I quoted from Muppet Treasure Island and was pretty sure Holly didn't know it, but sorry, I had to put that in for my brother.

Will cleared his throat. "We're casting off, ladies. If you please. My fian—I mean, Miss Swan, a friend of mine, can find you a dry towel or two."

"Yes sir," Holly said Britishly.

We followed the group out of the cave through a different tunnel than the one we had entranced through, stepped into rickety rowboats with men in red uniforms, and began rowing out into a darkening ocean. The clouds were rolling in—I couldn't tell if it was a sunrise or twilight.

I spotted the wild haired lass Elizabeth, looking very glum and constantly looking at Will with something of a guilty and apologetic look.

"What are we going to do now?" I asked Holly, squeezing the water from my shirt.

"Meow?" asked Holly. (Inside joke. Don't ask).

"Meow!" I replied.

"MEOW!?"

"MEOW!!"

"MEEEEEOOOWWW?"

"MEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW!"

"Ladies, if you please," said Norrington from the front of the boat. "You are a distraction." He pointed to the right.

Holly and I glanced towards where he was pointing. Alongside of us, there was a second rowboat full of captured pirates. Standing redcoats were guarding them with their muskets, while the pirates leaned over the edge of the boat, drooling. One snickered and said, "An we thot we were de ones who made cat calls!"

All the pirates laughed.

"Shut him up," said Norrington tersely, giving Holly and I an apologetic look.

"I am going to marry him," I whispered to Holly dreamily.

"I thought you were going to marry Will," she hissed back.

"Marry the whelp? Rather gut meself before marrying a whelp. Besides, he's got himself a girl."

"Then that leaves Jack for me!" Holly cried excitedly.

"WHAT?" I yelped.

"I am just KIDDING," said Holly, "Honestly, Pie! ME? JACK? Sheeeesh!"

Suddenly, a heavy fog rolled in, and everything began moving in double-speed, except for Holly and I. We sat in the boat and watched, laughing and pointing, as the redcoats—in their chipmunk voices—loaded the dinghy onto the deck. We sped through the water like the Indy 500.

"What is this?" I yelled over the high-pitched sound waves. "I've never heard of this fan fiction thing before!"

"We're in fast forward, duh," said Holly. And of course, she was right. Instead of merely skipping over a damaged spot on a DVD we were just cruising faster than the speed of light through a whole lot of unnecessary scenes.

When things finally slowed down, we were walking down a gangplank from the Dauntless (I think—or was it the Interceptor?) into the palm trees of Port Royal.

"This is as close as your going to get to Costa Rica without actually being there," I snapped at Holly.

"I didn't say anything!" Holly frowned. We were being escorted by redcoats through the street towards…wherever.

"Hey, Pie?" asked Holly.

"Yes?" I replied.

"It's like Costa Rica!" Holly erupted, giggling. I slapped her in the arm, and a catfight ensued.

We walked past Will Turner's blacksmith shop, and he turned and went inside without a second glance over his shoulder. Elizabeth teared up and watched his back as it disappeared behind the door.

"Oh, that's unfortunate," said Holly, Quoting Tasha. (the band.)

Then we were being led through a dark door, down a flight of dismal stone steps, and into a dank hallway.

"Get in there," said a soldier roughly, shoving Holly and I into a jail cell.

"This is all Jack Sparrow's doing!" I quoted, trying to sound like Elizabeth, and failing miserably. Jack was kicked into the cell next to ours.

"Well, first things first," Holly brushed the dirt off her hands onto her shorts. The door clanged shut metallically and the soldiers all went upstairs, leaving us to die. "Find the dog with the keys!" Holly stuck her face through the bars. "MEOW!"

"Meow!" I replied.

"MEOW!"

"MEOOOW!"

"MEEEEOOOOW?"

"MEEEEEEOOOOW!!"

"Would'j ye just shutup already!" shrieked Captain Jack. "Before I shoot one of you!"

I clamped my mouth shut, "Oh!" I cried, "That wouldn't do. That wouldn't do at all."

"He doesn't even have his gun," Holly made a point.

"How do YOU know?" Jack said indignantly, pulling out his gun.

"How do we know about your gun?" I repeated, enjoying the moment. "We know only because you know, and we know you know because you pulled it out of your jacket just know, therefore you know its there, and now we know too. But we also know something you know for yourself but happen to not know we know for ourselves, and that's that you've used your last shot on Barbossa, right? So even though we know you have your gun, we also know there is no shot left in it. Now you know we know all your secrets."

"So sue us." Holly concluded.

Jack fell to the floor in a heap, crawled to a pile of straw, and stuck his head inside.

"Aren't you worried about the mites and fleas? Mate?" Holly asked, always the practical one.

"Nice addition of mate there," I added.

"I try," Holly agreed.

"Anything else we can try?" I added, gesturing towards the doors. At the same time, Holly and I looked at each other and shouted, "Leverage!" Exstatic, we turned and surveyed the room. We didn't have a bench. Jack peeked from under the straw and checked his room too—but his bench had been removed as well. With a sigh, he planted his head back in.

"Well, it was worth the thought," Holly said glumly. "Too bad the Silver Surfer can't rescue us."

"What IS it with you and the Fantastic Four people?" I sighed.

Suddenly, there was a huge explosion of light just outside our cell door, and the Silver Surfer stood just outside the bars, staring at Holly and I. Jack Sparrow peeped out from his bug pillow.

"Silver Surfer!" Holly declared. "Told you," she tagged on proudly.

"What in the name of bloody Jones is that THING?" Jack hollered.

"Crossover!" I said. "What're you doing here?"

"You appear to be stuck," said the Silver Surfer, stepping through the barred door as if it were just a hologram. He got right into Holly's face and said kindly, "I have been sent to get you out."

"That's not how he talks," Holly peers over my shoulder as I'm typing.

"I can't help it if I've never seen the movie," I protested, continuing.

"Good lad!" said Jack. "Getme out!"

"Not you," said the SS, "Them." He waved his arms around till the room was glowing. It glowed brighter and brighter until so bright we had to shut out eyes. The room also became colder, colder, and colder until I felt completely soaked all over.

Suddenly, I opened my eyes, and I was sitting on the floor of Holly's pool. Holly was sitting across from me, staring at me over her invisible teacup with her eyes as round as saucers. Our cheeks were bulging with trying to hold in our oxygen. We both kicked to the surface and popped out in the sunshine.

"WOW!" I shrieked. "That was FRICKIN' AMAZING!"

"Can we do it again sometime?" Holly grinned. "But with Harry Potter?"

"I haven't seen Harry Potter yet," I reminded her, "Maybe soon."

"I'm cold," said Holly, "You wanna go inside?"

"YES!" I exclaimed. "What are we going to do?"

"We are going to curl up in blankets, eat a dozen more cookies, and watch Pride and Prejudice!" Holly commanded.

"Aye aye, Cap'n," I saluted, and we rushed for the deck.

To this day, we never told anyone what happened, because we know no one would believe us. That's why we post these kinds of things on Fan Fiction. And that's why I'll make a video about it since I know Holly doesn't like reading all that much. So I guess we'll reach the YouTube audience as well with our little adventure.

So, to conclude, farewell to everyone who has had trouble with FIFFS, and may the Silver Sulfer always risk a crossover to save your butt.

THE END.


End file.
